Adsgshhshchgfytnsnwj? Like, you know that there’s a bunch of things to do. There so much to do, in fact, that you just…stop. There’s a little voice at the back of your mind is practically screaming that you don’t have time to sit and stare off mindlessly when there’s a to-do list a mile long!! While the rest of you just can’t get on that same level and you tell yourself that you’ll do it tomorrow. Suddenly, you can’t seem to recall the scale of time. It was…only a couple of days ago, but you know it had to have been more than that. You count and it’s been 2 weeks. Still you can’t quite bring yourself to up to the level that you can work on it.
I find that even 3 months into life without Gaia, it’s a continued state of grief and depression. A lifetime has passed in these 3 months, only it was just yesterday. How did I ever forget how bad things were before she came along? She was perfection and therapy and magic. Anyone who’s ever been drowning in the dark waters and found their salvation can understand what I mean. Here is a source of hope, love. It becomes an enormous part of you as you build your day around it. You build your life around that salvation like a religion. I’m angry that so much time I could have spent with her was wasted at an office or sitting in traffic. I’m sad that we’ll never snuggle again where she comes and sits right on my chest, or curls up in my lap, the move she would make to settle in with that little sigh…even the way that she let me hold her like a teddy bear as we drifted off to sleep. and I’m absolutely devastated, just heart-brokenly ashamed to know that there will come a time when, from simple human weakness, I will forget tiny details about her. It rips the air from me every time.
Hold your fur baby tight, lavish them with attention, with toys and delectable food. Throw that ball and let them on the couch with you while you can. They are so incredibly brief in your life.